Slim Jesus Signs $3 Million Dollar Record Deal with Rick Ross’ MMG

Slim Jesus Signs $3 Million Dollar Record Deal with Rick Ross’ MMG

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Rick Ross’s Maybach Music Group has reportedly signed internet sensation and air soft aficionado Slim Jesus to the label for an estimated 3.2 million dollars. That’s a lot of lasers and True Religion the scrawny Ohio kid can purchase for his next YouTube video while he’s working on his first album for Maybach.

After being asked about the legitimacy of the signing, Maybach A&R Bruce Lane confirmed that he believes Slim Jesus is

“THE FUTURE OF WHITE PEOPLE CO-OPTING BLACK CULTURE FOR PROFIT.”

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Maybach CEO Rick Ross stated:

“IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT SCARES WHITE PEOPLE, IT’S BLACK PEOPLE WITH GUNS, BUT WHITE PEOPLE LOVE GUNS AND IF THEY SEE A SCRAWNY WHITE KID FROM OHIO HOLDING A GUN, THAT’S SOMETHING THEY’RE COMFORTABLE WITH. BESIDES I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC TO TAKE UP THE SLACK SINCE I DROPPED MEEK MILL.”

In fact, Smith and Wesson and Sturm, Ruger, and Co. are already in a bidding war over sponsorship.”

The first Slim Jesus album “Second Amendment” is scheduled for release some time at the beginning of next year.

(H/T: Celebtricity)

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